When Reality Feels Distorted: How Narcissistic Abuse Undermines the Basics of Being

Jul 2
3 min read

Updated: 5 days ago

Author: Parita Sharma | Founder, SEVEE | RAWON Whisperer

When Reality Feels Distorted: How Narcissistic Abuse Undermines the Basics of Being

It’s basics.

It’s elementary.

And that’s exactly what a narcissistic dynamic deprives you off.

We’re not talking about grand gestures.

We’re talking about water.

The metaphorical and emotional kind.

The Water-Milk-Wine Confusion: What Is Reality Distortion?

You ask for water.He gives you milk.You say you’re thirsty.He adds ice, sugar, churns it into a milkshake.Still thirsty.He brings you juices, smoothies, wine.Still parched.And then comes the guilt punch—“You’re so ungrateful. Look at all I’ve done for you.”

And somewhere, you begin to believe it.You start thinking maybe you are ungrateful. Maybe you are broken. Maybe you ask for too much.

But here’s the truth: Water is basic. Milk is luxury.

A narcissist replaces your simple need with exaggerated alternatives so you forget what you actually needed in the first place. This is when reality feels distorted and you are deprived of basic need. It’s designed to weaken your internal compass until you can no longer trust what you know is missing.

The Basics Are Not Too Much to Ask

A Picture Together - A client once said, “He won’t even click a picture with me.”She sobbed, then paused, and said, “Maybe I’m being immature.”But here’s the thing:In today’s world, wanting a partner to acknowledge you publicly, or take a photo together is a basic gesture of connection. It signals: I belong with you. I am seen.When this need is deliberately denied, you’re being starved of visibility — not attention — but emotional acknowledgment.
Weaponized Wellness - Another example: “Wake up early, go for a walk, exercise. You’ll feel better.”All said with a gentle tone —But the narcissist knows you barely slept. That you’re drained from caring for others or carrying the emotional load of the household.Sleep deprivation disguised as care is still control.
Subtle Put-Downs Wrapped in 'Suggestions' - “You’d look great with short hair!”Then when you actually cut it — “Oh, I was just joking.”“You need to socialize more, your friends are amazing.”But when conflict arises? He takes their side, never yours — and you’re left doubting your own loyalty.

These aren’t mistakes. They’re patterns. A narcissist’s ‘care’ is never neutral. It’s strategic.

To create scarcity, confusion, and a cycle of trying harder to earn love that should’ve been unconditional.

What Does This Do to a Survivor?

It creates:

Self-doubt (“Maybe I’m overreacting”)
Emotional confusion (“Why do I feel unseen when he says he loves me?”)
Low self-worth (“I can’t even explain what’s wrong, maybe I am the problem”)
Guilt and shame (“He’s so nice to everyone, maybe it’s just me”)
Crippling loneliness while in the relationship

All because the basics were distorted. And basics matter.

How Can SEVEE Help?

At SEVEE, we don’t dismiss the small things.

We know the pain behind not having your partner take a picture with you.We understand why it hurts when your song choices are mocked.We listen when you say you feel invisible, even though the world sees you as "lucky."

We help you: